Now I've got a cousin called Kevin

He's sure to go to heaven

Always spotless clean and neat

The smoothest you can get them

He's got a fur lined sheepskin jacket

My ma said they cost a packet

She won't even let me explain

That me and Kevin were just not the same

Oh my perfect cousin

What I like to do he doesn't

He's his family's private joy

His mothers little golden boy

He's gotta degree in economics

Maths - physics and bionics

He thinks that I'm a cabbage

Cos I hate university challenge

Even at the age of ten

Smart boy Kevin was a smart boy then

He always beat me at Subbuteo

Cos he flicked the kick

And I didn't know

Oh my perfect cousin ..

His mother bought him a synthesizer

Got the Human League into advise her

Now he's making lots of noise

Playing along with the art school boys

Girls try to attract his attention

But what a shame it's in vain total rejection

He will never be left on the shelf

Cos Kevin he's in love with himself

Oh my perfect cousin