The canopy over the main doorway of the Ritz hotel

Had served as a very large umbrella when the May rains fell

Still the men of Paris glistened and their ladies did as well

As long as their powder was dry there'd be some heterosexual thrills

With or without the protection of the Paris Ritz hotel

And every single Parisian will love tonight without using hands

And these are the slides that Mary took when we were overseas

Oh, look at the funny little Frenchman with some French company

There's the Ritz hotel where me and Mary Stayed a couple of days

Jerry, let go of your sister, what is wrong with you today

Sit over there with your mother and let's sing La Marseillaise

The only way children are punished, unlike old times is without using hands

Oh, what a lovely city, city, city, city

Oh, what a lovely city, city, city, city

Oh, what a lovely city, city, city, city

Oh, what a lovely city, city, city, city

Oh, are you willing to go

Oh, are you willing to go

How about letting me know, without using hands

When the explosion rocked the lobby of the Ritz hotel

Nobody moved for fear of learning that they weren't all that well

Is there is anybody missing, answer only if you're well

Everyone cheered the good fortune, for indeed it turned out well

Only the manager suffered, but at least his face looks swell

The manager is going to live his entire life Without using hands

Without using hands, [etc.]