A lady gets a lotta things

She gets a 20 carat ring

She gets the alimony too

She gets to look good in the nude

But there's one place where they've been whipped

Between the nose and upper lip

M-M-Mustache, mustache, mustache, mustache

M-M-Mustache, mustache, mustache, mustache

M-M-Mustache, mustache, mustache, mustache

One hundred hairs make a man

I tried a handlebar design

My Fu-Manchu was real fine

My Ronald Colman made 'em blink

My Pancho Villa made 'em think

But when I trimmed 'em real small

My Jewish friends would never call

M-M-Mustache, mustache, mustache, mustache

M-M-Mustache, mustache, mustache, mustache

M-M-Mustache, mustache, mustache, mustache

One hundred hairs make a man

One hundred hairs make a man

One hundred hairs make a man

M-M-Mustache

M-M-Mustache

M-M-Mustache

They call me 'Sir' and that ain't bad

Sometimes they think that I'm my dad

And women flirt and you can bet

They like that tickle that they get

The only time I feel bad

Is when they guess the lunch I've had

M-M-Mustache, mustache, mustache, mustache

M-M-Mustache, mustache, mustache, mustache

M-M-Mustache, mustache, mustache, mustache

...