I know what you're thinking

You're thinking, "This is a song"

Well I guess I'll just have to show you

Exactly where you are WRONG!

Why aren't you hearing the cheese?

Why aren't you feeling the ham?

If you don't listen you'll miss it

You don't understand

I will explain it all once

I can explain it all twice

To make it clear to your brain

Until you've taken a bite

It couldn't be a dam 'cause it doesn't have a beaver

It's not the DMV 'cause it doesn't make you wait

It couldn't be a taco 'cause it isn't very crunchy

It couldn't be an Olsen 'cause it isn't Mary-Kate

It can't be Dirty Dancing 'cause it doesn't make you vomit

It couldn't be an iron 'cause it doesn't burn your face

It couldn't be Bruce Campbell 'cause it isn't freakin' awesome

It couldn't be a keyboard 'cause it doesn't have a space... BAR!

(Be-cause)

This is not a song, it's a SANDWICH!

What would make you think otherwise?

This is not a song, it's a SANDWICH!

Now no more of your vile filthy lies

(This is a song) NO IT'S A SANDWICH!

(Uh... But, it's a song) NO IT'S A SANDWICH!

So what are you thinking?

Still think this is a song?

Do you require more proof?

Do you enjoy being wrong?

Why aren't you hearing the meat?

Why aren't you feeling the bread?

If you don't listen, you'll miss it

You're making me sad

I will explain it all once

I can explain it all twice

And then again and again

Until you've taken a bite!

It couldn't be a chick 'cause it doesn't want to marry

It can't be Windows Vista 'cause it doesn't suck enough

It couldn't be a boob 'cause it isn't very squishy

It couldn't be a beer 'cause it isn't good and stuff

It couldn't be a tub 'cause it doesn't have a ducky

It couldn't be a stoner 'cause it doesn't have a joint

It couldn't be an egg 'cause there is no Easter Bunny

It couldn't be a song 'cause it doesn't have a point

(Be-cause!)

This is not a song, it's a SANDWICH!

What would make you think otherwise?

This is not a song, it's a SANDWICH!

It's really just a hoagie in disguise

(I'm pretty sure this is a song) NO IT'S A SANDWICH!

(... Sooong!) SANDWICH!

(SONG!) SANDWICH!

(Jesus, dude, what is wrong with you?) NO IT'S A SANDWICH!

Lettuce, bacon, mayo, tomato, cheese, olives

Onions, frog, tuna, turkey, peppers, salami

Noodles, pizza, tires, CROWBARS!!!

You bought (or stole!)

This dumb CD

Now you are suffering

Driving home, working out

Or at your job

At your house, or wherever

On your iPod